In 2013 the rap sensation Drake released a song entitled No New Friends. This song reached major success on the music charts and even went to the Number 1 spot for digital downloads. The song played constantly on the radio and for some reason I just couldn’t get into it. The beat was tight but the lyrics just were directly opposite of what I knew the BIBLE said about FRIENDSHIP!
I even had a few friends that I have known for a long time calling me their “Day One” and that they didn’t need any New Friends after listening to this song. I just didn’t agree and still don’t agree. See, I struggled with having good Godly friendships and the thought of not being able to make new ones was just sad to me. And plus I cannot find such thing in the Bible. Soooo yeah I am looking forward to embracing new friendships throughout my life and maintaining the friendships I have now.
Growing up as the child of a prominent pastor of a mega church was not always easy when it came to making friends. First of all I had trust issues. I failed early on at discerning who was being my friend because they liked my personality over those who were my friend because their mother who secretly liked my dad told them too. (TRUE STORY!). Most PKs (Pastor Kids) can relate to developing trust issues about new people coming into our space. My mother didn’t help (BLESS HER HEART) because she didn’t allow us to go outside and play with the neighbors much and if she did we had to play with the Pastor Kids who lived next door. (TRUE STORY)
Due to my upbringing and minimal social skills I wasn’t a good friend. I just did not have the skill set to retain, develop and maintain friendships. I did not have a grasp on what it meant to be a good friend. First of all, I did not trust people and any sign of foolishness, I would cut people off (NO GRACE). I wouldn’t call and check up on my friends nor did I get to know them deeply. I kept most friendships on a surface level.
I sadly looked up one day and had no friends left. I had either pushed them away or stopped communicating with them. I firmly believe that no matter how strong you are you need friends, you need someone in your corner. I quickly realized that I needed to approach my friendships differently. So I prayed about my friendships and I realized that QUALITY FRIENDSHIPS were much better than QUANTITY.
So I sought God in prayer and He responded with how I should obtain great Godly friendships.
- Be Friendly
- Be Mature
- Believe I deserved good friendships
I started to put these 3 principles into practice in my life. Because of trust issues I realized that I no longer engaged or was friendly towards others in new settings.
Proverbs 18:24 says 24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
I began to be more open in public settings. Being nice towards new people I met when out and about. I was surprised at how others were willing to get to know me.
Next I needed to once I met someone who I thought could be a friend is to remain mature in my dealing with them. Making sure I wasn’t petty or messy. This is key because you can ruin a great friendship with immaturity. No one wants to be around the messy and petty friend all the time. Friendship takes a level of maturity.
Finally I had to start believing that I deserved to have good friendships. This was major! I had to reprogram my mind to believe that I was worthy enough to have people and women around me who would uplift and encourage me. Women who loved God and shared my passion and reverence for God. I worthy of good relationships and so are you!
Between my prayers and putting these things into practice, God sent me some amazing women who I have only known for a short period of time. If I had listened to DRAKE I would not have these great relationships. God also allowed me to amend some friendships that were broken. NOT ALL but some and I am grateful for their friendship and sisterhood.
Sooooo, WHAT SHOULD YOU LOOK FOR IN A GODLY FRIEND
1. Good Company
1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be misled: bad company corrupts good character.
Proverbs 22:24-25 Do not make friends with a hot- tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.
Make sure you surround yourself with people who will not corrupt your character and what you stand for. Also make sure your friends are not always ready to fight or get loud in public. We are too grown to be going to jail for foolishness. Always keep it classy.
2. Empathy/ Compassion
Job 2:11 says 11 When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him.
When life hits you, a good friend should show empathy and compassion. Job had lost his children, wealth and health and his friends immediately left where they were and came to show empathy and compassion towards him. The Bible says they sat with Job and did not say a word. Thats real friendship. Sometimes your presence says a thousand words.
Proverbs 18:24 says One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Friends stay close and you should be able to count on them. Friends who are distance not geographically but intimately are not your friends. I moved to Orlando last year and most of my friends are in Miami. Yet there is no distance between us. In fact I think we are closer because we cherish the times we have together and we communicate often. We are forced to check in.
Friends should be loyal. They shouldn’t be fickle in their love towards you. They don’t go behind your back and spread lies. They have your back and keep you in prayer.
Proverbs 19:20 says Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.
All of my friends know that I will hold them accountable to their actions and their words, and they all know they can hold me accountable as well. If I say something out of line they check me and I do not get offended, instead I apologize and ask for forgiveness. And I do the same for them.
Them holding me accountable has blessed me beyond words because I never want to surrounded by “yes men” and miss the opportunity to be corrected and grow. Accountability offers me assurance and allows me to feel safe in my friendships. I know without a doubt these women have my back. This level of accountability took some time to develop and it takes maturity to not get offended when a friend disciplines you.
Proverbs 13:20 says Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.
Your friendships should cause you to grow and be wise. The Bible says when you walk with the wise you will become wise. I think this is true for everything. I became a better mother because I walk with great mothers. I became a better wife because I walk with great wives. I became a better entrepreneur because I walk with some great entrepreneurs. It is vital that you are very careful about who you walk with. It will shape who you will become in the future.
If you walking with broke, sorry, cheating, lying people you will become a broke, sorry, cheating and lying person. Wisdom is the principle thing, so therefore being wise in your selection of friendships is important.
New Friends are inevitable as we grow and mature. So do not be so closed minded and embrace great Godly friendships into your life. You will grow and become a better person. I hope that by me sharing my experience with friendships that it will inspire you to check your circle and pray for great Godly friendships and relationships.
Let me know how this blog post made you feel. I would appreciate you feedback.