While laying in bed thinking about my process to wholeness I went back to the years I was upset, frustrated, unfulfilled, lonely, scared, and bitter.
All of the years I spent wishing I was married, wishing I had someone who loved me and accepted me for me. I thought about all of the Valentine’s Days I spent with girlfriends or home alone with my daughter. I thought about how I use to feel when I saw people get engaged or have the wedding of their dreams and it looked like that would never happen for me.
So I was prompted to put together a webinar to share with others my process to wholeness.
After the 5th year of me being single and dating consistently but realizing no one would commit to me, I had a moment while showering where I called out to God for HELP! You know that “ugly cry” moment.
I was tired of just existing because I WAS SINGLE. I was tired of sulking, whining, and giving myself to men who had no intention of making me theirs.
I would date someone for over a year and they would tell me out of the blue, I’m getting married or I found the one but that one wouldn’t be ME.
Shattered, confused and pissed off I was left picking up the pieces. Asking myself how did that happen? Quickly realizing I couldn’t even be mad because they never committed to me nor did I require a commitment.
For two years after my shower moment with God I tried to just live my best life. I traveled with friends, cut all my hair off, pursued a business, pursued plus- size modeling and so much more. Just keeping myself busy.
I really thought this was helping. I was starting to feel better. I was starting to enjoy going to the movies by myself and dinner with friends. But if truth be told I WAS STILL LONELY, SCARED, ANGRY, AND ANNOYED that I was still single.
I thought me keeping busy would be all that I needed to past the time. It took a guy that I really liked to tell me that he couldn’t commit to me because my attitude sucked and no man was going to deal with that, that I had another “shower moment” where I poured my heart out to God and said this is not working.
God instructed me to go on a MEN- FAST! He said cease all communication with any man except for my father or male family members for the next 40 days.
Chileeeeeee, this was the hardest 40 days of my life. Because I always had me a “team”. You know a few guys I would talk to or go to dinner with just to keep me company. I know I am not the only one who had a “team”. Shoot some of you reading this may still have a “team” today. LOL #NoJudgementZone
For 40 plus days I obeyed God and ceased all communication with any man. If someone tried to holla I ignored them. If someone called I sent them to voicemail. Until eventually I just changed my number completely.
Some may say that is too extreme, but if you have ever been in a cycle where you felt like you are just going around in circles, dating the same kind of man, then you would do anything. I was desperate for God to change my present situation.
Last night a group of women signed up for the webinar to gain some tools, information and empowerment on how to love themselves unconditionally.
We discussed the 5 Things God instructed me to do during my Men- Fast…
- Acknowledged I needed God help and submitted to God
- Cut all Soul Ties
- Forgive the Past
- Forgive Myself
- Check My Attitude (Revive My Personality)
All I have to say is you should have signed up! It was good, honest and raw conversation. I ended the session with a bonus thought which was: Be Open and Throw Away Your List.
I then opened the webinar up for questions and answers and many of the ladies asked questions about soul ties and overcoming rejection.
A Part 2 is coming soon and I hope you will join me.